Long Way Home
by Chiisarin
Summary: No one, especially not Kakashi, can ever learn her secret--not like they'd believe her anyway. A what-if-Sakura-was-actually-Rin time travel story
1. Chapter 1

The Long Way Home

o0o

.

Hearing a slight rustle in the bushes, Kakashi's ninja sense on immediately on alert and he turns around, eyes scanning the clearing as he tries to feel out any enemy presences. However, his search gives him nothing, save for a stray cat, and so he turns back to the memorial statue, going back to his mental dialogue with fallen comrades. It was odd, his sense usually weren't wrong but it did happen sometimes.

With a shake of his head, his clears his suspicions; what he felt after wasn't possible, probably just some backlash nostalgia getting to him. Only his imagination.

Yet somehow, for the briefest of moments... No, it must have been nothing.

(After all, there was _no way _that he could have felt Rin's chakra right beside him just then.)

o0o

.

Sakura is speeding away from the clearing, rushing as soon as possible, mind working overtime in a mix of confusion, hysteria and mostly just thoughts of _how the hell is this possible. _She was lucky that Kakashi hadn't seen her; how in the world could she have explained _that_? She wasn't even sure what was going on herself

Finally when she was convinced herself that she was far enough away, she stops, collapsing on some rock. Her heart thudding in her chest almost as if about to pop any second, she waits until she's caught her breath before she allows herself to think. She needs to review what happened, needs to_ figure things out_.

Closing her eyes, she tries to recall what last happened. She remembers that mission, that stupid solo mission that she had taken, that other nin that was about to kill her and then... and then... She remembers waking up.

o0o

.

"Hey... wait... Are you awake? Rin! Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

Tsunade's urgent, worried voice pierces through Sakura's sleep-addled mind. Groggily, she attempts to open her eyes, despite the throbbing headache that was killing. However, she only get as far as a flutter before the light floods in and makes the pain worsen tenfold. Letting out a groan, she grasps at her head as if it could make the pain go away.

Footsteps rush against hard wood floors and a cool hand in placed upon her forehead, warm chakra flowing from it, working its way through her temple and then... The pain's gone.

"There, is that better?"

"Yes thank you."

The ache gone, Sakura once again opens her eyes and this time, she's able to get them all the way open, blinking a few times before her vision clears the sleep from it. Looking up, she sees Tsunade hovering over her, and upon closer inspection, something seems wrong with woman, something off, yet Sakura can't seem to put her finger on it.

However, before she puts any more thought on it, she suddenly remembers—the mission. Panic takes over and she looks at Tsunade with distraught.

"The mission! I'm so sorry, I failed, the ninja, he—he--how am I still alive?" Sakura looks down at her body, marveling at the lack of blood and wounds. "I was about to be killed! What... what happened?"

An odd look flashes over Tsunade's face but the woman quickly covers it before Sakura can identify the emotion.

"Rin, the mission... was dealt with. You were found near the gate, barely alive," She stops, choking a bit and Sakura is confused wondering what's wrong when she sees the tears shimmering in the woman's intense gaze.

"Tsunade-sama, is everything alright? Did something happen...?"

"No, no it's nothing."

Yet the tears continue to stream down and Sakura starts to feel almost apprehensive, wondering if something had happened, if someone had died....? But then her thoughts stop, her eye catching something in the background. The object is familiar, a hat that she has seen before. A hat that she remembers from long ago, from the time of Team Seven and Naruto and...

It was a hat she hadn't seen since she had been Sakura.

"Hokage?"The world seems to stop as she barely gets the word through her mouth. She looks back at her teacher, mind suddenly frozen, suddenly not wanting to know the truth. "_You're_ Hokage? Then... that would mean..."

Yet the truth hits her hard anyway.

_She's back._

"Rin, you've been missing for seven years. And in that time... your father... and the Yondaime... have passed away."

But by now, Sakura's not even listening--she probably wouldn't be able to handle if she had been. Instead, her thoughts are of _Sakura_, that weak little thirteen year-old, the one who had chased after Sasuke for who knows how long, the girl that she _used to be_--and it somehow hurts her. She's back where _Sakura _belongs but she doesn't want to be Sakura ever again. She didn't want to go back to identity and life and...

"Who else knows I'm here?"

"Aside from the team that reported you appearance, only me. I healed you myself," Tsunade pauses, and as if attempting to break the tension, she puts on a small smile. "Hey, why don't we go out to Ichiraku's? I'm sure you must be hungry. And we have to figure out what happened."

Sakura only nods, all the while a plan forming in her mind. She immediately starts gathering up chakra as Tsunade turns around, and then, when the moment arrives... She attacks.

_I'm sorry Tsunade-sama, but I can't let you remember seeing me._

And as the woman falls, Sakura drags her a desk and gently places her upon it. When she wakes up, she would just think that she fell asleep while doing paperwork.

And would never remember seeing Sakura.

o0o

_.  
_

With a sigh, Sakura lets the guilt drown her as she goes over what she had done to her teacher just a half hour ago. But she knew she had to—she wasn't just Sarutobi Rin. No, she was also once Haruno Sakura, even if it had been nearly a decade since she had been that (_weak-willled, average_) girl. And that meant...

And that meant... _what, _exactly?

Letting out an angry groan, Sakura kicks the ground in frustration. She didn't know what that meant, she didn't know who she was now. Somehow, just seeing the name 'Sarutobi Rin' etched onto the memorial stone seemed so surreal and just _wrong_. And it just made her wonder, wonder if this was some sick trick of fate or something? Had that name had always been there? Had she always been meant to go back in time and become Kakashi and Obito's teammate, go through everything with them?

Just a week ago, she would have been able to ask for help, before this stupid mission, she would have been able to go the Hokage's office, and just spill her thoughts to the man who had somehow ended up becoming her adopted father. He was the one who knew everything about her, always willing to carry her secrets and burdens with her, but now...

But now, he was _dead_.

Yet how could it have even happened? Sakura buries her head in her hands in frustration as she goes over the conversations. Otou-sama... Sandaime-sama... he had told that the first time she did it was a _fluke_. Just some trick of nature, where in some moment of peril danger that her body had overreacted so much that her extraordinary chakra control had actually broken the laws of space and time—that she had run through time. Except that because the chance of that happening to anyone was so low, that it would probably never happen to her again. That she was stuck in that time.

Yet she had been _happy_. She liked that time period, she liked her teammates, the reputation she had earned, she liked her life, her family and now...

She hadn't even gotten a chance to say goodbye. To anyone.

And now, where could she go?

Who could she be?

o0o

.

A knock interrupts Asuma's peaceful lunch, causing him to momentarily pause the shogi game he was playing against himself. Curiously, he sets down his cup of tea as he walks towards the door, wondering who would bother him before it was barely noon and also bother to _knock_? His team wouldn't bother with the formalities and would just break in, the same going for any nin coming to inform him of an assignment. He was pretty sure the other jounin teachers were busy with their teams or some assignment, so that left... who?

To say that he was surprised to see his supposed-to-be-dead long-long adopted little sister standing in the way was an understatement.

"When I was adopted, your welcoming gift was a toad that I killed upon first sight. I didn't like you very much at first."And then Sarutobi Rin looks up at him with red-rimmed eyes, as if she had been crying for the past hour. "I'm home, Onii-san."

For a moment, Asuma just stares in shock, wondering if he was hallucinating or perhaps even still sleeping. Maybe this was just terribly beautiful dream. Yet the apparition in front of him just seemed _so very real_. It had his little sister's face, her voice, and even that particular memory that no enemy nin could possibly know about. Yet it couldn't actually be her... _could it? _And so, before he even realizes he's moving, he's reaching out a hand to touch her shoulder, to hold onto it, just to feel that it's actually _warm_, with blood and life pumping through it.

"You're _alive..._"

She gives him a rueful smile. "Apparently. Can I come in?"

But he's already pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

o0o

.

"The house seems so empty... without him." She remarks as she follows him in, looking about the house, noticing all the changes, the cracks and marks of old age. Seven years really had passed.

"So you've heard about his passing."

"Yeah. I never thought I'd see his name on the memorial stone... hell, I never thought I'd see _mine_."

They stop, reaching their destination: the study. Asuma stops at a bookcase and reaches, taking out a scroll.

"He left this for you... a few years after you disappeared."

.

_Rin, if you get this, I guess it means I never got to see you again, in your time. It was a one in a million chance that it would happen again, but after your most mysterious disappearance after that mission, I'm guessing you were able to time-travel again. _

_I never knew who your real self was, seeing how we agreed that you shouldn't tell me anything, but there's this particular pink-haired girl in the Academy that bears a certain resemblance... Or perhaps it is just an old man's hope clouding his sight._

_Nonetheless, I know Asuma or whatever descendant of mine will take be able to take care of any problems you might have with identity. Whether you want to stay as Sarutobi Rin or perhaps take on a new life, the choice is yours._

_Just know, that I love you and I hope you live a good life._

_Your father_

_.  
_

By the time she is done reading, Sakura is once again shaking, trying to keep from letting her grief take her over. She looks up at Asuma, who had been watching as she read the letter.

"You know, I've always found it weird that when he wrote that scroll, he somehow seemed to know that you were going to come back. In fact, in the letter that he left for me after he died, he specifically told me to keep that scroll in case you ever come." He gives her a curious look. "How did he know? What are you not telling me?"

"So he never told you the real reason your family adopted me?" Sakura takes one last glance at the letter and then sighs, closing the scroll. "Here, let's sit down. My story is a bit... far-fetched."

"Right. Why don't I make some tea first?" Asuma suggests.

o0o

.

Minutes later, when they're all seated and comfortable, Sakura tells him her story. She tells him of how she had traveled through time from the future, how unlikely it was to happen and that it wasn't supposed to have happened again, yet somehow, here she was. At first, he gives her this look of disbelief, as if not really sure of what to think.

"But I haven't seen any kids who liked they could have been you. Surely, someone would have recognized your younger self by now?" But then he pauses, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "Oh... this isn't what you really look like."

Sakura smiles, nostalgically.

"No," She says, tracing her earring as she had grown to do over the past years. "When I had first arrived, Otou-sama had arranged for me to take lessons from Tsunade, not only so I could gain some useful skills but also so she could teach me her permanent transformation justu."

She tucks her hair behind her ear, showing the glittering jewel. "See the earring? It actually contains chakra so that even if I ever were to use my chakra or fall unconscious, the jutsu would remain in place."

"Hmm, that's really clever. Does that mean Tsunade also knows?"

"No, Otou-sama told her the same story that he told you:an old friend that had entrusted me to his care before he had died and that I needed to be hidden so as to convince the people 'pursuing' me that I had died as well."

Asuma is silent as he takes it all in and Sakura just knows that he has questions, practically able to see his mind just working through how to word it and get it all out.

"So... when did you came back? Is this even the time you came from?"

"I came back just today... It turns out some chuunin squad had found me unconscious near the gates and brought me directly to Tsunade," Sakura hesitates. "But I... erased their memories after waking up. Asuma, have any genins recently gone mysteriously missing?"

Asuma blinks, surprised by the seemingly random question, but answers the question nonetheless.

"Genins? Well, other than Uchiha Sasuke who defected to Orochimaru half a year ago, no... wait. You mean..."

And as he comes to the realization, Sakura lets the chakra in her earring go and releases her transformation. She feels her body change and becoming slightly less stocky and more stick-like, face becoming thinner, hair growing out, changing to their original pink colour... she lets out a deep breath. How long has it been since she's been in this body?

"That's right... I'm actually Haruno Sakura."

o0o

.

A.N: So I've decided to attempt to re-write this story. And actually see if I actually go anywhere with it. But since I really like this idea, I do hope I get somehwere... But I hope I didn't make this chapter too confusing. I know I packed a _lot _of info, but now that's this is all done, I can get on with the fun stuff! Thanks for reading, and any comments and criticisms would be really appreciated. 8D


	2. Chapter 2

The Long Way Home

o0o

.

Note: To any readers of the original version (if any), the first chapter has been changed. A _lot_.

The disguise was only supposed to be temporary, until Sakura had sorted things out, but it had already been two weeks. Two weeks of working at a dango shop, two weeks of pretending to Asuma's distant cousin, pretending to be a random civilian from some random outskirt village in Fire, pretending to be some girl called 'Shimano Mao'. As far as she was concerned, it was a pretty boring existence, not having a job or any friends to hang out with. She couldn't even train on a proper training field, having been forced to limit her activites to the property, which severely limited her options and just barely was enough to keep her in shape.

But it gave her time to think, at the very least.

And luckily, she had been able to avoid any familiar faces for the past fourteen days, consciously not going to places where she knew they would be, even if it meant depriving herself of some good Ichiraku ramen. She stuck to to the more civilian places when shopping or walking and it had sufficed. It felt weird, how even though this place had been her home all her life how easily she had become a stranger within its walls.

But of course, that all came crashing down one day.

"Mitarashi Anko is _ba_ck! And we have come to celebrate her succesful mission, oji-san, a plate of dango for everyone! It's on me!"

When Sakura first hears the voice, she almost doesn't recognize it, but when she does, she finds herself just freezing in place, only barely processing what the girl--woman had just said. Of course, it was _just her luck_ that she would end up working at the dango shop that Mitarashi Anko frequents, and _of course _Anko just had to bring her friends along. But friends... Sakura can only dread the faces she will see when she turns around. With one last breath, she steels herself and puts on her Shimano Mao face, sweet, shy and demure.

"U-um, excuse me... Mitarashi-san? Today is the owner's day off... but I can still serve you?"

Anko breaks off her conversation and seems to finally notice Sakura, her eyes narrowing upon seeing her. Sakura can't help but take the chance to look over the--_woman_, as she carefully avoids looking at the other people with her. With an odd sort of epiphany, Sakura realizes the girl that only just a month ago had been short, flast-chested and _twelve_ was now long-legged, curvy, and if her math served her right, _twenty-four_. The woman in front of her was _older _than her, and it just seems so... _wrong_.

"Who are you? I haven't seen you here before."

"I-I'm new. I just started w-working here, two weeks ago."

Anko continues to stare her down, a frown forming upon her face, but Sakura knew this was her way of employing scare tactics, probably attempting to intimidate the 'new waitress', and bully her over. True to her cover personality, Sakura casts her eyes down within a few seconds, and starts to nervously play with her hands.

"Anko, stop scaring the poor girl. As if you don't torment enough people already."

Sakura feels her heart skip a beat: _Genma's voice_. If Genma was there, who else was at that table? How many other people would she recognize?

She doesn't want to look.

"Oh alright, you're accepted, newbie. But learn my face!! For am I your most valuable customer and I expect special treatment!" Anko announces with a particularly feral grin. "Got it?"

"Yeah," Sakura mumbles out. "You o-ordered a plate of dango for everyone, right?

"That's right! So, including me... mm... six plates!"

Sakura nods and hurries back, being careful not to make eye contact with anyone else. Six plates... One was Anko, one was Genma.... who were the other four? After reporting the order to the cook, she finally gets a chance to look, and surreptitiously glances at the table while pretending to be cleaning the counters.

First glance finds Anko in the front talking boisterously to Genma who was right beside her. Second glance shows Izumo and Kotetsu having some kind of argument about some girl or another. Third glance shows her Kurenai, talking animatedly to... someone next to her, except that Anko's head is blocking the view. Sakura waits a bit, glancing up every so often and then finally, Anko's head moves as she turns to Kurenai, revealing the person...

_Kakashi_.

And he's looking straight at her.

For a moment, an apology almost bursts from her lips, almost having forgotten that she was in the future, that she wasn't Sarutobi Rin anymore. She wants to yell at him for being so stupid, even if he was right about that stupid mission and that she actually wasn't ready to go on a solo just yet. She had been waiting for this moment for weeks now, ever since she had seen death at the hands of the nin that almost killed her, ever since she realized that she might have never had the chance to patch things up with him, but now the hard truth hits her.

Sarutobi Rin is dead.

"Shimao-san! The plates are ready!"

The cook's voice breaks her out of her daze and she rushes to the kitchen, wondering just how long she been staring at Kakashi and if anyone else had noticed. Anko's whistle confirms all.

"Whoo, did you see how that girl looked at you, Hatake? You ladykiller!"

"Haha, Anko, you know our Kakashi doesn't go for girls."

"You make it sound like I'm gay, Genma. Besides, that girl's practically jailbait."

"Psh, she's what. Eighteen?" (_Twenty_, Sakura mentally corrects) "You should have some fun, man! Loosen up."

"Your idea of fun scares me, Mitarashi."

"Oh come on, Kurenai, back me up here."

By now, Sakura has arrived back at their table, carrying all their plates. The table falls silent at her approach, and she can't help but feel even more self-conscious, feeling their eyes watching her every movement. When she finally sets down Kakashi's dish, he murmurs a quiet 'thank you' that startles her so much that she nearly drops the plate. Looking up, she sees that he's still staring at her and she can't help but feel this cold chill, wondering if he had somehow been able to read her thoughts, if he had somehow figured out her real identity and just as she's about to withdraw herself quietly, he stops her.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude... but are you by any chance related to Sarutobi Asuma?"

She stops, frozen--and then, relief floods her. Of course, her henge had been created as to show a resemblance to him. That's why Kakashi had been staring at her... nothing more. _Nothing more._

_(_So why is she feeling so disappointed then?)

"A-ah, yes... he's my cousin," She replies and before any more questions are asked, another couple enters and she quickly excuses herself. "Please enjoy your food."

And for the rest of the evening as she waits the other tables, she snatches up whatever bits of the conversations at that table she can get, trying to find some sort of what she used to have in the little dialogues. She hears how Anko had somehow ended up dating Kotetsu for a time, how Kurenai had been recently going out with Asuma _(what?)_, how Genma's latest conquest with Shizune was utterly failing, etc. Each bit is a stab at how she might never be part of that again, yet she listens anyway, just wanting some feeling of normalcy back.

But the evening is over too quick and when they leave, she wonders if this is how it's going to be. How she'll only be able to see the people that she knows from a distance, that she'll never get the closeness she had with them again.

And Kakashi... would she have to give him up too?

oOo

.

As soon as the others wave goodbye, Anko is pulling Kurenai away quickly until everyone else is completely out of hearing.

"Okay, we're gonna hook Kakashi up. You know, with the cute waitress he was staring at the whole evening."

Kurenai raises an eyebrow and assesses Anko.

"Are you drunk, Anko? Did you somehow sneak some vodka into the tea?"

"No!" Anko gives off a frustrated sigh. "But didn't you see the chemistry there? And seriously, we need to cheer the guy up!"

"By playing matchmaker?"

"Oh come on, that guy needs to get laid and you know it."

"With a girl younger than him by a decade? You might as well just hire him a hooker."

"But didn't you see how interested he was in her? He totally was checking her out--"

"You're seeing things."

"--And I have this whole plan! See, since you and Sarutobi are going out--"

"Jury's still out on that one."

"--All you'd have to do is arrange a double date! See, you bring Kakashi and Sarutobi can bring his cousin and it'll be like, awesome--hey, wait! I think this is a good idea."

"Goodnight Anko."

"But--"

"Good_night_."

oOo

.

"I saw Kakashi today," Sakura says as soon as she gets home, finding Asuma in the living room, reading some book. He raises an eyebrow and puts the book down, giving her his full attention.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Anko had brought him and some others to the shop," She pauses. "They didn't recognize me."

She's not sure what else to say. They've already had the conversation, of her trying to choose between Haruno Sakura and Sarutobi Rin. Haruno Sakura already had a place in this society, already had an identity just waiting for her to take back. Yet she still found herself unwilling to return to that persona, not wanting to have to work up credibility and relationships that she once had. But going back as Sarutobi Rin had its own disadvantages--how could she explain her disappearance? And how she hadn't grown in seven years? And if the wrong person finds out that Sakura had actually time-traveled...

And then, it just didn't seem fair, to bring back old ghosts like that.

But still...

She can see Asuma is waiting for her as she gathers her thoughts, trying to figure out what she wants to say.

"You know, I never got to apologize to him... you know, Kakashi. About that fight."

"I remember it."

"Will I never get that chance?"

She can see Asuma hesitating, and she feels guilty for pushing her burdens on him, forcing him to think the answer for her--she shouldn't be doing this to her brother, the only family she even has left. But yet she still waits, desperate to know what he will say, hoping he'll have something.

"... I'm sure he already knows," he finally says.

But does he really, Sakura wants to say, yet she keeps silent. She wouldn't push Asuma any further. So instead, she changes the topic.

"So I heard you and Kurenai were dating?" Sakura says, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "When did that happen? Oooh, are you ever going to introduce me to her?"

She can see his annoyance, and she grins, the little sister in her relishing over this piece of info she can hold over his head. Obviously, this was not the most comfortable topic for him to talk about. But just when she thinks she has won, Asuma replies, but instead of answering the question, he dodges it, replying with a question of his own, a slight twinkle in his eye.

"You know, I've been thinking, didn't you have a crush on Kakashi when you first were added to his team?"

Sakura opens her mouth in horror, feeling a slight blush come to her face.

"Oh, we are _so _not having this conversation!"

Asuma has the audacity to smirk.

"Exactly."

Sakura narrows her eyes, all but saying '_just you wait, I'll figure this out_' and goes off to sulk in some corner and maybe plan some revenge, but as she is about to go, Asuma calls out to her, his voice suddenly turning serious.

"Rin."

She stops and turns back to him.

"Yeah?"

The moment of silence Asuma takes as he hesitates only makes her more apprehensive.

"Tomorrow... it's your funeral. Well, Sakura's funeral. The Hokage has finally decided to declare her MIA and... tomorrow they're carving her name in the memorial stone. Three o'clock."

He turns back to his book, leaving Sakura to her thoughts. So not only Rin was dead, but now, Sakura too.

... She wonders if she has anything black to wear.

oOo

.

In the end, she doesn't go. Not only did she not have any viable reason to go, but she knew she couldn't face all the faces she would see. Instead, she comes an hour later after everyone has left, flowers in her hand as she approaches the stone. And there, sure enough, were the characters for her name sketched onto the stone, the newest addition. It somehow felt rather morbid, leaving flowers for herself.

"Who are you here for?"

Sakura immediately turns around, mentally chiding herself for letting her guard down, and she is nearly reaching for the kunai pouch she has hidden in her sleeve, but stops short at recognizing the voice. Kakashi... Kakashi was right here.

Right beside her.

"My... my uncle," She murmurs, watching him as puts down some flowers right beside hers. "And you?"

"A lot of people."

If she was Rin, they could have just shared a knowing glance as they think of Obito, the Yondaime, of everyone they had lost and just know they they understood each other. If she was Sakura, she could have just reminded him that he still had his students, that he still had Naruto and her. But now, she was just a stranger, and anything she might say would mean nothing the man next to her... this man she barely knew now.

In fact, he was probably a stranger to her as much as she was to him by now. For him, seven years had passed, even if for her had only been a month. He had probably even grieved her death for seven years, and now, this was just another one to add to the list.

She doesn't say anything and after a few moments pass, she turns to leave, deciding there probably was nothing for her to say that would actually mean anything. However, just as she's walking away, Kakashi's voice stops her.

"You know, I never did catch your name."

She turns around and sees him looking at her with an impassive dark eye, yet she wishes she could read what going on inside. Wishes she could see recognition spark within that one orb, wishes she could see it crinkle into his warm smile, but no, that was just wishful thinking.

"...Mao. Shimano Mao," She finally says. "And you?"

"Hatake Kakashi."

oOo

.

At first, Asuma had been confused when Sakura had suddenly come back with a fish for dinner, confused by the sudden change from Sakura's usual sweet tendencies, and then was even more confused when as she served it, she packed a part of it in a container.

"Are you saving some for later?"He asks, giving the container a pointed look.

"This?" Sakura looks at it. "Oh no, I'm giving this to someone later."

He doesn't question any further.

oOo

.

When Kakashi answers the knock to the door, finds the doorway empty of any person. Instead, there's a package lying on the floor, with a note.

_your new friend_

He picks up the package curiously and opening the lid, he sees that it's full of food. And not only that, but it was full of his favourite food too: salt-broiled saury. How did the girl know--no, Asuma probably told her, probably also told her of Sakura's funeral. Kakashi feels a small smile come to his face, somewhat touched by the gesture.

And later, when he sits down to eat it, he can't help but notice that the taste for some reason seems so familiar...

oOo

.

**A.N**. Haha. I'm scared I made the wrong choice--I was either going to make Sakura a civilian or a mysterious nin. I had first chosen the latter, but changed my mind... and yeah. I hope I chose right. And random piece of trivia, Sakura's new name, 'Mao', actually translates to 'true cherry blossom' according to the website I chose. Pretty neat, considering what the original name I had chosen was going to be ('Nadeshiko', haha, who gets where it's from). And I swear to you, I do proofread, but somehow, I will _always _miss something so please, tell me about any errors you see.

But yeah, like always, thank you for reading and comments and criticisms are welcomed and appreciated! =D Until next time~


	3. Chapter 3

The Long Way Home

oOo

.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, etc etc

The night was long and sleepless and she wished she could have stayed and hidden herself, to watch Kakashi eat her food (though considering Kakashi's paranoia, he would probably have Pakkun sniff it out and test it before actually trying it), but that was amateur, she wouldn't lower herself to that. Nonetheless, the night drags on and Sakura wonders if Sakura and Rin is already dead, if she's already made her choice by not choosing either one, by waiting it out. And thinking about it, it probably wouldn't be worth the secrecy and the suspicion she'd have to endure with her secret, with her ability. Perhaps it was for the best that she created a new life.

But it still wasn't fair.

Finally, at eight in the morning, Sakura pushes herself out of bed, barely able to get more than two hours of consistent sleep and decides to go for a walk, clear her mind, or just something. She just needed to do something, to get somewhere, to feel some movement. And so with a scribbled note to Asuma, Sakura finds herself outside, walking around to somewhere, nowhere.

It's an empty morning.

And before she knows it, Sakura is thinking about how it all happened that first time (oh, how she would never forget it). It was Sasuke that first time, when she had woken up to find him gone and only whispers of "thank you" echoing in her ears, pushing her to go and keep trying, trying to catch up with him, feeling as if she could almost make it happen, she could almost make him change his mind, she was so close before and she wasn't going to give up, when she met his five guardians. And how she tried to fight them, but she couldn't even get past the first one, how she was almost dead, how the blood was flowing...

And then she was running. (She had blacked out and had woken up in an unfamiliar hospital later. "Well, it almost sounds like you just ran through time, I suppose," The Sandaime had said, as if it was normal. "You must have some phenomenal chakra control, am I right?")

But that was all it was, running after Sasuke the first time, running away from Kakashi the second, and now, running away from herself, now she just wanted to, _needed _to run run run away (and she closes her eyes, praying that she can just run back, run back to where she belongs, wherever that is now.)

And then she stops. And then she opens her eyes.

(It's the bridge. Team 13's bridge.)

And then she hears crying. Soft, sniffles, barely audible, but it's there. Yet where was the source? Looking around, Sakura scans the surroundings until she finds it—a familiar blond head, a familiar face—And then she almost calls out to it, the bare beginnings of a name forming on her lips: "Yon--!" But then she stops. It's not the Yondaime, no, her teacher was dead.

It's Naruto.

"Sakura... why did you go after him...? I could have... I could have brought him back. Didn't you trust me?"

And the whisper hits her like cold water, the dejection colouring its tones like a knife to her skin—could she answer? Could she tell him, reply that it was because she was young and stupid, because she wanted to save Sasuke, but not only Sasuke, she wanted to save Team 7, she wanted to be useful just once, she never wanted to turn her back on her friends. But the words won't come to a stranger, not to Shimano Mao.

(But she still has the brief fantasy, maybe, just this time, take off the henge, come back as Sakura just once and tell Naruto to shut up and move on, it had nothing to do with him, maybe she could make it as if it was all a dream--)

She forces herself to walk away before anything can happen.

oOo

.

"I'm Shimano Mao," Sakura says when she gets back, Asuma at the table eating breakfast. (She can feel Ino's chakra, she can feel the grief that was just here--she ignores it.) He gives her a long look, understanding the vague statement.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," She affirms. "You can't bring back the dead. That's just not fair."

"Are they really dead? Sakura, Rin, are they really dead? Or are you choosing to kill them?"

Sakura can feel some feeling knot in her stomach, though she's not sure what. She wants to untangle the massive ball of confusion and grief, but she knows it's right. The dead are dead, she can't come back--she'll only be a stranger. Yes. Yes she is, yes she is choosing to kill them, she's the only one who remembers, her and Asuma, and it's her choice, yes, she's killing them because it's the right thing to do, because she can't bring back the Sakura people want, she can't be the Rin that people wish had existed.

Everyone will move on soon enough. As will she.

"It's what I have to do," She finally responds.

(_Shimano Mao, Shimano Mao, Shimano Mao_, she repeats the name over and over in her head. It doesn't sound right.)

oOo

.

"Hi, I'm the new volunteer," Sakura says cheerfully to the receptionist.

_("But you won't be able to use your abilities to help people," Asuma had commented when he heard the news.)  
_

_("It doesn't matter. I want to help people--I __have to," She had said. This was her moving on.)_

The woman barely looked up and pointed. Sakura looked up and followed the finger--it was pointing at a woman. A familiar woman. Shizune. With a murmured 'thanks', Sakura takes a moment to steel herself up and goes up to Shizune.

"Hi, I'm the new volunteer," She repeats. "Can I get my assignment from you?"

Shizune looks up from the chart she's reading and looks over Sakura, eyes taking a moment to register the person in front of them. Then, a spark of recognition lights up and she holds out a hand.

"Oh, yeah. You're Asuma's cousin, right? I heard about you. And I think your application said you worked with your village doctor, am I right?"

"Yes, though I don't have that much skills."

Shizune waves off her modesty with a smile. "Oh no, you're more than perfect. Yeah, what was your name again? Mao-chan, right? I'm Shizune by the way. Here, actually if you could just (she hands Sakura a list of names) change the bandages on these people, that would be great. You know how to do that, right? Okay good, alright, I'll see you later then?"

As the busy woman leaves, Sakura takes the time to look at the first room number and starts to walk towards it, suddenly grateful for the familiar feeling of the bustling hospital. She was ignored, she was unnoticed, she was necessary. In her mind, this place was a perfectly imperfect machine.

This was a good start. Definitely.

oOo

.

"So, we meet again! What was your name again?"

And of course, she had to meet Mitarashi Anko on her first day, out of all days. Still, Sakura would have to make peace with all of her old faces one day. She needed to start cementing her new identity now and who better to start with than Mitarashi Anko.

"Shimano Mao. Please don't move so much."

"Huh, so the dango waitress is also a part-time volunteer? Very nice, very nice, I like that, you're an altruist."

The glint in Anko's eye is starting to make Sakura suspicious and she can recognize some mad scheme forming behind them and what makes it worse is that she has no idea what it might be or she can stop it. And who knows how manipulative the little prankster had grown in a course of ten years. She had to be cautious. Very cautious. She decides to stay silent as she works to change the multitude of bandages on Anko's arms (of course Anko would get herself into an accident. And of course, burn scars.)

Anko takes her silence in stridge.

"And you know, ever since I learned who you are, I've been trying to get Sarutobi to bring you out, introduce you to the rest of crowd, yet he always has some excuse or another, saying you're busy. I see what he means now, but now there's no excuse! You can work around your volunteer schedule, right? Why don't you, just come out, have a few drinks with your cousin's friends, come meet some new people!"

"Mitarashi-san, I couldn't--"

"Call me Anko, I'm not that old."

"Yes, well, Anko-san, I'd rather have more time to adjust to the place before I meet new people."

"Nonsense, now's a perfect time! It'll be a nice welcoming party--"

"And anyway, I have more patients to tend to, but thank you. I'll see you later?"

And before Anko can push any further, Sakura quickly leaves and turns into a busy hallway, ignoring Anko's calls, who had eerily reminded her of the old neighbor ladies who used to attempt to set her up with their nice young sons and grandsons. But surely that wasn't what Anko was planning--no, it was better not to think of it. Just concentrate on getting through the rest of day. Yes, she'll deal with Anko later.

oOo

.

"Maoo-chan!"

And yet somehow, by the end of her shift, Anko has found her anyway.

"Anko-san... Hi."

"Shizune told me where to find you. But hey, look you're free now, aren't you? You don't have any plans?"

"Well, I was planning--"

"No excuses! You have to get out sometime and meet these people, they're your cousins best friends! And better to do it sooner than later, am I right?"

And oddly enough, Anko has a point--Sakura does have to meet these people. She's Shimano Mao, she will eventually meet these people and might as well do it sooner, better to get assimilated sooner, right?

"... Alright."

And before she knows it, Sakura is being dragged somewhere, nearly jogging as she tries to catch up with Anko's long strides (damn, the girl grew up to be taller than her in the end).

"Oh, and how old are you?"

"... Twenty."

Anko smiles widely, the grin almost feral.

"Perfect."

oOo

.

"And this is Gemna."

A wave.

"Kurenai."

A nod.

"You know your cousin. Aaand look, Kakashi's here! Oh oh, here, sit here, there's an empty seat riiight here."

And Sakura suddenly realizes with a dreadful feeling exactly what's going--Anko was setting her up with Kakashi. And with the lazy, almost calculating look he gives Anko as he walks over to her side, he seems to know it too. Turning to her, he gives her an acknowledging nod.

"Hi."

Sakura gives a small smile in response.

(Her mind is turning over the possibilities. Maybe it wasn't so bad, the set-up. Here was her chance, here could be the start of a new friendship with Kakashi--no, she would never ever have what she had with him as Sakura or what she as Rin but this could be something different, something new. This could be the place where she gets to learn about this new Kakashi, this older one she never really understood as a thirteen year old, maybe? Possibly? Hopefully.)

"Thank you for the dinner, by the way," Kakashi remarks lightly as the conversations divide up between the couples, Asuma talking with Kurenai while a determined Anko monopolizes Gemna, giving Sakura a catty wink when she catches her glances. "It was enjoyable."

"I'm glad. Because, for my cooking... well, that's how I remember him, because he'd always try to come for dinner, so I would always try my best to make something good." But more than her father, Sakura is thinking about the apartment she shared with Kakashi, how they'd always try to share dinner after missions. "Do you have a way of remembering? All those people?"

But she knows, she remembers how he had adopted Obito's habits (and maybe he had adopted some of her habits after she had gone?), she knows how he visits them nearly every day. So when she sees him just shrug, she doesn't press.

"I'm not worried about forgetting," Kakashi mutters quietly and takes a sip from his drink.

Sakura chuckles.

"I wish I had your memory then. Haven't you had those moments where you suddenly find an old diary and when you look over, you realize just how you've forgotten?" _I'm living that moment right now, every second_. "Or maybe that's just me, maybe I'm too scared to lose anything. Probably not very healthy, I suppose."

"... No, I'd say you're very strong, Shimano-san."

At this moment, Sakura wishes the man hadn't grown so much, wishes that she could look at him and recognize more than the fake smile, wishes she could still understand the nuance and layers of depth that were hiding his emotions--she wanted to pry him open. But she didn't have the tools to do that, not anymore. All she had was this small, budding foundation that she had to build upon, all over again.

"I think I'd say the same of you, Hatake-san."

But it was a start. (So why does she feel like she's missing something?)

oOo

.

Her diary.

Her stupid stupid stupid diary.

Her. Stupid. Diary.

"Asuma. Asuma!" Sakura repeats urgently as she shakes the ninja from his sleep. "Asuma, wake up, this is really important!"

The man rubs his eyes, barely awake and mumbles, "What is it?"

"My diary! Do you have my diary?"

"Di... aaahhrrry?" He yawns out. "What diary?"

"The one that I kept in the apartment!!"

"What? No, I let Kakashi keep it... He can't open it anyway, right? Why?"

"Asuma, I wrote down everything in that diary. _Everything_. And sealed it so that would open once it got back to the day I disappeared from this timeline, just in case Otou-san and I died and no one got to know the truth."

Suddenly, the weight of the matter suddenly settling in, Asuma sits straight up, awake.

"You mean, someone could find out the truth?"

_"Yes._" Sakura pauses and takes a breath, trying to calm herself down. "Yes, but not if I get to it first. And hopefully, no one has tried to open it yet, you said Kakashi has it?"

"Yeah, I let him keep all the stuff from your place"

"Where is he?"

"The same apartment."

Sakura stops.

"You mean... he hasn't moved from the place _in ten years_--you know what--not important."

"Do you need me to come?"

"No, I'm fine. ... Better let me handle this by myself."

oOo

.

And so she creeps around the her old apartment building, wishing she could just say "I'm finally home", wishing she could feel the usual relief that she would after a long mission to come home to her own kitchen, to her own room, to her own space. But she refuses to let her muscles relax, she's on a mission, and who knews how Kakashi had changed in ten years, who knows how much better he might have gotten and she probably won't be able to sneak around him the way she used to.

Masking her chakra to the best of her ability, she goes towards the window and works on undoing the wards and seals she know and figures he would place, the paranoid man. Looking through the shades, by some stroke of luck, it looks like he's not there and when she sends out a feeler strand of chakra, she doesn't feel anything--no, it's just Pakkun. That definitely meant Kakashi wasn't home; and she knew how to put Pakkun to sleep, so she wouldn't have to rush.

So softly, she enters through the window and looks around, amazed at how nothing has changed. Literally, absolutely _nothing_. Same arrangement, same furniture, even the same ordering of the books, with a few new additions on the side. She walks through and enters the empty hallway, finding herself in front of the empty room. She can't help but wonder why Kakashi still kept the same apartment, even when he didn't need the extra room, why he wouldn't bother paying that extra rent--_"I'm not worried about forgetting", _his ever-so-nonchalant voice echoes in her head.

And then she enters.

And she's back.

(She wants to cry, I'm home I'm home I'm Home, she wishes she could say and she thinks she lets out a whisper perhaps, or maybe just a prayer, just some nondescript plea for some kind of resolution, some sort of grace that will come to her in the future, that she will feel this feeling again, please please let it come, let it come back)

And she lets the henge go.

Long black hair shortens into short auburn curls, square-face becomes soft and oblong, dark eyes lighten into hazel and when she stares into the mirror, she sees herself, _Rin_, the girl that she had grown to be, the woman that she had learned to become. And yet, at the same time, there's something wrong with the vision, it's almost as if she's seeing a ghost, there's something that's not real about this mirage she's seeing.

(Harsh tears are glinting in the mirror reflection's eyes, she notices.)

And then a swift kunai flashes past her.

She immediately creates a shadow clone and dodges as another comes after her--the diary! She needed that diary--rolling into the shadows. From the doorway, she sees her enemy, dark eyes and shape obscured even further by shadow--no, she knows this enemy, person, man--Kakashi.

Kakashi had gotten home apparently.

But she doesn't have time to think (she still needed that diary, okay, plan, gut, you _know _how he fights) and she is on the offensive, throwing her own set of kunai that she had luckily decided to bring and as she moves, she quickly passes the corner where she knows her diary would be (trust Kakashi, he hadn't changed, he hadn't moved a thing, let the book be in the same place) and reaches out to grab the volume, stuffing it into her pocket and is about to make the signs for the teleportation jutsu that would take her out--

--and there's a kunai at her throat.

She stills.

(They're in front of the mirror, and it's that same mirror image, that same Rin, that same Kakashi, but something was wrong, something looked so _wrong _with the picture--his dark eye, her frozen heart--please don't find the diary)

"Who are you?"

His whisper is like a knife. She stays silent, not trusting her voice. He would not hesitate to kill her (Kakashi hadn't changed, he hadn't changed) and imagine how funny it would be, to end all so fast. All so quick. All so easily.

"Who sent you? What are you after?"

The same whisper, the same knife, a bigger wound with every wound, cold, unforgiving (every passing second added salt, every passing silent moment dripped alcohol, Kakashi hadn't changed, Kakashi hadn't changed.) There's a sharp pinch of pain and Sakura can feel the warm, trickle of blood down her throat as Kakashi presses the kunai in closer.

(Kakashi hadn't changed.)

"Even if you were right, about that mission, about how stupid I was to take it... Why?" And here, she allows one lone tear to slip out, and only that one. "Why did you have to say _that_?"

And then she feels it--for one brief moment, the pressure is lifted as he hesitates (because she wasn't crying for herself, she was crying for all the pain that she would have to cause him, she was crying for the guilt that she knew he must be feeling this moment)--and takes that miniscule moment, twisting around in his hold and elbowing him down. And with that brief advantage, before he can recover, she's out the window--she's gone. She's running. And even with Pakkun and his pack chasing her (oh, she knows how to throw them off), even with Kakashi's livid chakra signature following behind her, the advantage she has is enough and soon enough, she's lost them. Soong enough, she's back at her house, safe and unknown, uninteresting Shimano Mao.

"He saw me," She tells the waiting Asuma. "But I got away before he could get anything. Nothing to worry about."

"And you have it?"

"Yeah."

(No, she won't tell him about the mirror image or the blood or the pain pain pain...)

"... Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

And it's only when she's back in the confines of her room does she let the flood through, tears overwhelming and drowning everything out. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, she wants to say, for so many things, I'm sorry for bringing back the dead, I'm sorry for not telling you, I'm sorry I'm sorry, but no one can know, you wouldn't believe me, too much has changed, it's too dangerous, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm weak, but of course, she's only going to cry for the night, tomorrow morning it'll be over and everything will be better, same, level.

And in afterthought, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out the book, afraid, apprehensive, anxious--and it's her diary. Her dear old stupid stupid diary.

(Kakashi never changed.)

oOo

.

"So what are you saying? You think Orochimaru is behind this?"

"Yes, it would make sense. Pakkun told me that person _was_ Rin, or at least had been able to somehow replicate had her exact smell; not only that, but ten years ago when she disappeared, the body was never found."

"And you said the person had stolen Rin's diary, right?"

"Correct; afterwards, I had found the book missing. It is also the only explanation for when she had said something that only Rin would have known during the fight."

"... Very well. This is definitely odd; I'll make sure to get someone working on this, Hatake."

"Thank you, Hokage-san."

oOo

.

AN: Haha, so I was bored today and I figured well, if I didn't want to study for finals, might as well update something. Happy belated new year?


End file.
